I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
