sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were destined to go to rehab together
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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