hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's just like the Real World with babies
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
