he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
