Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
