living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
