it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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