Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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