Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He passed out mid-signature
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
