...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
