Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
