I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
