"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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