five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
