dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
