im drinking this country out of the recession.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
