Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
