I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
