my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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