He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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