I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do vagina's smell?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
