I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
