I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
