Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
