recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
