But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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