she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
