After last night, I could never be a politician.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
