apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
