And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
