i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
