my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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