saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
