all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
