Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
