Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
