I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
