During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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