well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
