Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
