Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
