got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
