I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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