Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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