The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
