i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
