so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
