Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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