I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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