all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
