im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
