I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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