Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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