I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
