Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
