I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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