Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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