Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
