Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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