He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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