called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
We smell like vodka and hangover
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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