so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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