so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
cat food counts as protein by the way
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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