I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
